Every year, around this time, I see it.
The first time I saw it, if I’m remembering correctly, it arrived on my fax machine.
The next time, it came in via email.
And this year, it showed up — where else? — on Facebook. (It’s too long for Twitter.)
You may have seen it as well. At least among wine lovers, it has become a “holiday classic” of sorts. I find it a great way to get in the spirit for the holiday season ahead, which officially begins (at least in my household) with Thanksgiving.
The author is unknown, and I suspect the wording has been amended at least a few times as it has been handed down, much like the lyrics to an old folk song. It’s called, “How to Cook a Turkey.”
Step 1 — Buy a turkey.
Step 2 — Have a glass of wine.
Step 3 — Stuff turkey.
Step 4 — Have a glass of wine.
Step 5 — Put turkey in oven.
Step 6 — Relax and have a glass of wine.
Step 7 — Turk the bastey.
Step 8 — Wine of glass another get.
Step 9 — Hunt for meat thermometer.
Step 10 — Glass yourself another pour of wine.
Step 11 — Bake the wine for four hours.
Step 12 — Take the oven out of the turkey.
Step 13 — Tet the sable.
Step 14 — Grab another wottle of bine.
Step 15 — Turk the carvey!
We’ll have a few more Turkey Day tips — real ones! — in the days leading up to November 27. Meanwhile… Happy Monday!